7 Totally Stupid Useless Ways to Invoke ColdFusion Components

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Warning: The content contained herein contains utterly useless, potentially offensive, and very juvenile language. This is not suited for just about everyone.

There are many levels of stupidity - I believe in, and have worked very hard at, exploring many such levels in theory and in practice. Though some individuals are gifted with natural stupidity, I believe to be a true and utter mooncalf demands rigorous discipline and hours of practice. To support this process, you can explore other distinct facets of stupidity ranging from the simple-moron to the mullet-sporting-crank-snorting-utter-fucking-bonehead. To be more than a mere journeyman dolt, however, demands discipline and, above all, dedication.

In this small and inane piece, I will attempt to demonstrate how a programmer can proceed from a state of being simply moronic to a high level random-self-inflicted-headwound-fuckhead. The key lies is in using what little brain power you might have towards something of little or no utility whatsoever. Remember this and I truly believe you will go nowhere but backwards.

7 Totally Stupid Useless Ways to Invoke ColdFusion Components

Full stupid source code available here (click the Download button for a zip/tar file)

This is the stupid component under test we will invoke in 7 truly dumb ass ways.

All these examples are written as MXUnit tests, which, by doing so, has arguably decreased my own stupidity rating. Note also that these are written in <cfscript>. This reduces the number of keystrokes required in order to write useless piss-ant code.

Here's the setUp(): #7 (Simply Moronic) #6 (Approaching Idiocy) #5 (The Java Loser) #4 (Douche Bag) #3 (Turd Mongrol) #2 (Dumbass Pissant) #1 (Asshat Monkey Shit Hurler)

Stupid source code here

Feel free to post stupid code or links to such. Using Gists might be cool, though they're not stupid.


Bob Silverberg said...

What's an asshat?

capcomms said...

Careful Bob - that could be a leading question! B->

Freelance Web Developer said...

Maybe it short for 'as shat'? :P

billy said...

@bob, you clearly are too smart to be reading, much less posting, on this subject. ;-)

Marc Esher said...

agreed. Bob, you're banned for live.

Also, bill.... "does it work on Railo?"

billy said...

@marc, than you for the truly hebetudinous question. Answer: Yes! AND it also runs on PHP, ASP.NET, and jQuery.

Marc Esher said...

no mootools? loser.

oh, also, I blame YOU for making ColdFusion too complicated. You and your invokers and your chaining and your getters. blech.

billy said...

@marc, you flatter me :^} cohiba++