7 Totally Stupid Useless Ways to Invoke ColdFusion Components

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Warning: The content contained herein contains utterly useless, potentially offensive, and very juvenile language. This is not suited for just about everyone.

There are many levels of stupidity - I believe in, and have worked very hard at, exploring many such levels in theory and in practice. Though some individuals are gifted with natural stupidity, I believe to be a true and utter mooncalf demands rigorous discipline and hours of practice. To support this process, you can explore other distinct facets of stupidity ranging from the simple-moron to the mullet-sporting-crank-snorting-utter-fucking-bonehead. To be more than a mere journeyman dolt, however, demands discipline and, above all, dedication.

In this small and inane piece, I will attempt to demonstrate how a programmer can proceed from a state of being simply moronic to a high level random-self-inflicted-headwound-fuckhead. The key lies is in using what little brain power you might have towards something of little or no utility whatsoever. Remember this and I truly believe you will go nowhere but backwards.

7 Totally Stupid Useless Ways to Invoke ColdFusion Components

Full stupid source code available here (click the Download button for a zip/tar file)

This is the stupid component under test we will invoke in 7 truly dumb ass ways.

All these examples are written as MXUnit tests, which, by doing so, has arguably decreased my own stupidity rating. Note also that these are written in <cfscript>. This reduces the number of keystrokes required in order to write useless piss-ant code.

Here's the setUp(): #7 (Simply Moronic) #6 (Approaching Idiocy) #5 (The Java Loser) #4 (Douche Bag) #3 (Turd Mongrol) #2 (Dumbass Pissant) #1 (Asshat Monkey Shit Hurler)

Stupid source code here

Feel free to post stupid code or links to such. Using Gists might be cool, though they're not stupid.

8 comments:

Bob Silverberg said...

What's an asshat?

capcomms said...

Careful Bob - that could be a leading question! B->

Freelance Web Developer said...

Maybe it short for 'as shat'? :P

billy said...

@bob, you clearly are too smart to be reading, much less posting, on this subject. ;-)

Marc Esher said...

agreed. Bob, you're banned for live.

Also, bill.... "does it work on Railo?"

billy said...

@marc, than you for the truly hebetudinous question. Answer: Yes! AND it also runs on PHP, ASP.NET, and jQuery.

Marc Esher said...

no mootools? loser.

oh, also, I blame YOU for making ColdFusion too complicated. You and your invokers and your chaining and your getters. blech.

billy said...

@marc, you flatter me :^} cohiba++